My Bucket List: 21 Things I Have Yet to Do

  1. Go Ziplining
  2. Leave the country
  3. Fall in love with the right guy
  4. Find my purpose
  5. Graduate college
  6. Decide which direction I want my career to be in
  7. Learn to be completely vulnerable to a spouse. No facade. No pushing away. No snarky comments. 100% vulnerable and loving and open even if its so far out of my comfort zone.
  8. Become a role model for someone
  9. Swim with sharks
  10. Scuba dive in The Great Coral Reefs
  11. Fly in a hot hair balloon
  12. Learn how to surf (even though I’m from the beach and should probably already know how to do this…. this also means I must overcome my fear of the water lol)
  13. Become a mom
  14. Ride an elephant
  15. Talk to a serial killer (while they are obtained. I know this is sadistic but this is one of my possible career paths so hop off!)
  16. Find a reason every day for the rest of my life to be happy
  17. Go to every state in America
  18. Never stop reading books
  19. Never stop learning new things
  20. Own a home (which has a library filled with all kinds of books)
  21. Learn how to play the piano

June 16th

June 16th

It’s 12:02am on June 16th, 2016. It is officially my least favorite day of the year: my birthday. I hate my birthday. I can’t explain why, I just do. It almost makes me mad when my friends and family ask what I want to do, saying we HAVE to celebrate. But why? See I think the thing I hate most about birthdays is they are so impersonal. We choose to celebrate people for one day every year on a date that was decided by chance. Can you imagine if we didn’t know when anyone’s birthdays were?! We would choose to celebrate people whenever we wanted because we think they deserved to be celebrated! That would mean so much more and would actually be personal. When my friends say we should celebrate on the anniversary of my birth, they are only saying that because they think that’s what we are supposed to do. I would appreciate a card so much more on February 7th or August 10th or whatever random day of the year because it lets me know someone was thinking of me because they wanted to and not because they were supposed to. I am not a year older; I’m a day older. I shouldn’t be celebrated; merely surviving doesn’t deserve to be celebrated. I am not any wiser because of my age; I learn through my experiences, not my age. It is now 12:20 on June 16th, 2016. It is still my least favorite day of the year. Although I hate birthdays, I still want to make a wish. I wish one day I’ll live in a world where my life is celebrated based on my accomplishments, the value of my friendship, and on not just surviving but truly living on a day that means absolutely nothing because my friends and family thought I deserved it. But since who ever reads this now knows my wish, I won’t be surprised when it never comes true.

My Forever 11:11 Wish

My Forever 11:11 Wish

I hate that you’re my 11:11 wish

Because despite everything, I want to believe I may be your 11:11 wish too

I hate that I crave you

Just one more kiss that will keep me in a summer haze during those cold winter nights

I hate that I’m hopeful

That maybe, just maybe if I wait long enough, you’ll realize you should have been with me all along

I hate that I want to embrace you,

And feel as if we are one as my body moves up and down with every breath that you take

I hate that I feel I still need you

Even though I know you’ve gotten along just fine without me

I hate that I believed in you

Because everyone else told me not to and now I see that they were right

I hate that I stuck up for you

Because now that I know everyone was right, I’m the one that looks like a fool

I hate that I don’t hate you.

I mean I should, you fucked me over just like you fuck her every weekend

I hate how you told me I’m beautiful

Because those simple words hit deep, making it that much more painful when I realized it was just something you said to get you and I alone in your room

I hate that you made me cry

Because now it proves these feelings are real and not just fleeting

I hate that you call me your best girl friend

Not because I know it isn’t true but because I want to be known as your girlfriend

I hate that after all the heartache you’ve put me through, I still want you

Every second of every day of every God damn week

I hate that you’re my 11:11 wish

Because despite everything, I want to believe I may be your 11:11 wish too